I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
