Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
