farters have to be the big spoon...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize