Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
