You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
