Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
