i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
