There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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