I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
