oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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