Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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