We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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