Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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