his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
