Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
