my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
