i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
