butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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