you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
