Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
