I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
