I want you more than these girls want KFC
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
