I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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