a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
