My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
