just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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