I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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