at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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