Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
