So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
