I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
