Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
