A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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