My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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