You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
