Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
