Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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