please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
