What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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