If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
