6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
