My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize