Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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