At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
