No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
