I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
