This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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