Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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