I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
