where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
