Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
