hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just want nice things and good sex
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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