Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize