just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
