dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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