all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
