Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
