Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
