Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
