I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize