I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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