Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
