I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
