I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
