guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
