And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
