Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Boobs speak an international language.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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