if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he shaved USA in his pubs
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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