the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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